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  • Writer's pictureAndrew Black

Twas the Fortnight before Christmas


(Amazing what an AI image generator will do in 5 seconds!)


Twas the fortnight before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring*, not even Michael Gove mouse;

The developers hung around at their Christmas parties with care,

In hopes that the new NPPF soon would be there;

The land promoters were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of five year housing land supply danced in their heads;


When out in the green belt there arose such a clatter,

They sprang from their bed to see what was the matter.

When, what to their wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny former Secretary of State reindeers, 

More rapid than buses they all came,

Gove whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Jenrick! now, Brokenshire! now, Javid and Clark!

On, Gove**! on, Pincher! on, Pickles and Clarke***!


To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of further amends to the NPPF and secondary legislation connected with LURA, and Gove too.


As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

Down the chimney Gove came with a bound.

He was dressed all in tweed, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

The new NPPF he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a *%#!  just opening his pack.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle,


But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight****,"

Happy Christmas to the nimbies, and to all a good-night."


*Because parliament is in recess until 8 Jan

**Has to call himself as he was SoS before

***Helpful to have Greg Clark and Simon Clarke otherwise I would have had to rhyme Pincher with something very unsavoury

****Out ofsight politically next year for at least a good decade or so hopefully!




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